The Gun Shot Dream

Last night I had a dream. I don't have dreams very often, so when I do I regard them as being prophetic in a metaphorical sort of way.

In my dream, the first thing I remember was that I got shot. I was lying face down on the ground and I had two shots in my stomach. I thought I was going to die from these gunshots, and it just so happened that I had a gun in my hand, so I put it right at my right temple. I tried to say anything. But I couldn't, so I pulled the trigger. But I didn't die right away. So, knowing that I was going to die soon, I put my head down and closed my eyes. I tried talking to pass the time, but the only thing I could think of was how mad Jacob would be that I killed myself, so I kept saying "I love you Jacob" but I wasn't really saying it, because I couldn't talk. So I was just lying face down on the ground mouthing it over and over again. I didn't think to say anything else. But, I wasn't dying. I put my head up and opened my eyes, and everything was red, like someone with bloodshot eyes. Like when you puke so hard that blood goes into your eyes and you see red like through a red filter. Anyway, I kept trying to say things, I was basically screaming them in my head. Then, I decided I didn't want to die. But I had no idea what to do about it. After all, I had two bullets in my stomach and one in my brain. I tried to get up, thinking that it wouldn't work that well, but instead I found I could get up and walk around. I put my hood up so that people wouldn't see the hole in my head, and I started walking through town. I came across a paparazzi who asked if I had seen what happened. There was something going on across the street, but I thought he meant what had happened to me, so I told him I got shot and kept walking. I got to the police station because I thought they could help me and I told the police officer what happened. He said that he couldn't take me to the hospital because he was the only officer in the station that night and he couldn't leave. But he said there were band-aids in the bathroom if I wanted to use them. So I went in the bathroom looking for the band-aids, and there was a mirror. When I looked in it, I expected half my head to be gone, but instead, there was no blood or hole or anything. I frantically searched for it, and then pulled up my shirt and looked for the other two. They were gone! When I looked back in the mirror, I noticed this small thing sitting on my shoulder. I looked closer and saw that it was a mini bloodied version of me with the holes I had been looking for earlier. It scared me cause it was all bloody and so I tried to brush it off, but it didn't work and instead it just said "Memento Mori" which I remembered is Latin for "Remember that you must die." 

Then I woke up cause I was scared. I guess its more of a nightmare than a dream. Actually, all my dreams are nightmares.

Oh well. I hope you enjoyed my night adventures.

Good Old Days

(It's just the song I mention later, there's no video.)

For some reason, lately I've been trying to reconstruct a playlist from my darker days. I've done a fairly good job, considering I didn't know any of the names of the songs or the DJ's. Right now the list is at 16 songs, although I know that's such a small amount of the actual songs I've ever fallen in love with from that time period.

But as I've listened to the songs, the ones that I remember always have this certain style. They always have this fatty bass line in the back. Nothing special, just that ongoing beat. It's the beat that you can only hear on ipods if you push the headphones farther into your ears. Its the one that you can feel when you go to concerts. The bass drum. All my songs have that.

Another thing I've noticed is that they all have this dark sort of tone to them. I was never the happy rave kid. I wasn't the one who sat in the corners either, but I always enjoyed the songs that were more industrial instead of more like carnival music type. It's just dark. And I know you're questioning my judgement when I describe songs by darkness and lightness, but you know what I mean. Don't deny it.

I Love My Sex, by Benny Benassi is a terrific example of the songs I listened to. It's got the deepest bass line I've almost ever heard (I can hear it without smushing the headphones into my ears) and its got that synth thats just so typical of Benassi songs, be it Satisfaction or Illusion. If I had to pick something to relate the sounds to, it would be the sound that electricity makes, but without all the crackling and a lot louder. Just the buzz sound. It's awesome. 

I'm sorry if I'm confusing, but trying to explain why certain songs are good as opposed to bad ones is like explaining myspace to an old person. 

Transgender Remembrance Day

I'm not emo. I hate arm bands. I don't wear all black.

Except for today I did.

So when someone pointed at me today and said, "yeah! white arm bands! yeahhhhhh!!" I felt compelled to correct her.

I explained that today is Transgender Remembrance Day and she stood there witht his puzzled look on her face. "Whats that?" she asked me.

Almost too stunned at what she was asking, I paused and asked, "Whats what?" 

"What's transgender?"

Seriously, do people not know what it is, or was it just my lucky day that I found the one girl who didn't. Anyway, I gave here a brief description of what it was, which I'm pretty sure she wasn't listening to.

But then she formed a brilliant question in the empty space between her ears, one which she felt compelled to ask me:

"Oh, you mean like Chris Crocker?"

I may not be transgendered, but somehow I feel that I represent at least someone when I say that I am embarrassed for the T community when it comes to Chris Crocker. People obviously know nothing about transgender, and the only person they know is the new spokesperson; Chris Fucking Crocker. This brash and cocky "star" is some people's first and sometimes only view of the transgendered community. And this ANGERS ME! People don't want to be judged by other people's actions! What if Michael Jackson represented the Black Community? It's unfair for a group to be evaluated and value based upon one eccentric representative. Maybe the reason that transgendered people are so looked down upon is because of the few that make it into mainstream society.

Its no wonder that they're commonly seen as freaks and unaccepted in society. Look at the models they have to base themselves off of.

The KKK Ghost

Yay! Photo of the day!

Here's the first one ever:

The KKK Ghost

Old emails from way back when.

i was reading through my old emails today, and I found the ones that jacob and I wrote before we went to see the show that basically changed my life.

Why did it change my life?

Well, it solidified my love for Against Me!, it introduced me to Fake Problems (the love of my life), I saw Jacob for the first time in 5 years, i met dave and I met Jake!.

But the emails are funny because in them he's like describing Jake, but I don't know its jake, I just think its some scary guy. "He's a totally awesome guy. He'll love you." he told me.

Go now, and read old emails!

Hey guys.
Gonna go cut my hair!
Yeah. Right now, by myself.
See you later!

Search and you will find:

I love youtube

Borderliners

I know this is the third post of the night.

But I was reading my favorite book and my favorite part came up and I just felt so compelled to write it somewhere. So I chose here:

He went on, "I could have stayed at home. We were just fine, we could have sat together in the evenings, like we'd been doing. Not too close together, nobody bothering anybody else, no need to be all over one another. But you're together, quiet and peaceful. If anyone feels like drawing they can just get some paper and a pencil, nothing will be said about it. No one goes on about your grades. No one gets hit. But then you're dragged up here. You're tied down at night, during the day Flakkedam sits behind you. Tell Mom how a thing like that can happen."

Biehl was on his knees, so his face was level with August's.

"We wanted to do good," he said.

Another finger broke.

All of a sudden Biehl's lips were like sandpaper. Gray and as though dusted with dried granules. He looked August in the eye.

"We wanted to help," he said. "Not just he children of the light. We wanted to carry the rest of you along with us. From the halls of the dead to the land of the living. We wanted to bring all of you together in the Danish Free School. Even those who suffer hardships have a right to the light."

August's body was now shaking badly, even his face was out of control, it looked like he was constantly making faces. Only the hand encircling Biehl's fingers did not move. It held the last of the life within him.

"What about the darkness inside people?" said Katarina.

"The light will disperse it," said Biehl.

August brought his face right down to Biehl's ear. They looked like two people exchanges confidences.

"There's not that much light in the whole world," he whispered.

I think about you everyday.

It's funny how today can be so good.

And so bad.

Not exactly the song I was thinking about. It applies to someone I'm not trying to apply it to...

but

whatever.

I can't think of a better one.

Without getting myself into trouble with someone else:

I miss my other half. As the song says, I feel like I've lost everything when you're gone/left remembering what it's like to have you here with me.

And you KNOW WHAT??

Ugh.

He wrote damn good poetry.

Naughty Or Nice?

I'm listening to Christmas songs.

But not typical christmas songs. Theyre like... versions done by matchbook romance and stuff like that. You know how it goes. But not just like, emo crap. (Not that MR is emo crap...) theres stuff from the dickies too. A little something for everyone.

Today was fun.

Went to chad's house and watched him play games. Look for the videos here maybe tonite or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow. Actually, don't bother checking back tonite because they'll be here tomorrow.

Chili Beans and Poodles,

Me.

NOOSES n GOOSES!

Everyone.
I learned to tie a noose today.

I drew a goose too.
And then made one out of foil with Jacksonnnnn.
Actually it was a four headed goose.

Because you asked...

Top 10

1. Fake Problems
2. Against Me!
3. C. AARME
4. The God Awfuls
5. Underminded
6. Oingo Boingo
7. Jet Lag Gemini
8. Sex Pistols
9. Greenbrier Lane
10. Bad Religion

It's Not Fair!!!

One of my top 10 favorite bands is playing a show (something they rarely do) in socal and at the glass house. Yeah. The God Awfuls. And I was like, YES! I'm going to go!

But...

(Yeah, there's always a "but...")

It's on the 15th of december. And thats when my parents have their annual xmas party. And of course I have to be there, so I can pour drinks for old people. And entertain drunk people.

Fun!

9. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
YUP!
I THROW UP A LOT! IM WATCHING MY FIGURE!

Little Girls by Oingo Boingo



Things were so much better when bands synchronized danced together...

Fyi. In case you cant tell I <3 Oingo Boingo. And young Danny Elfman. Not old Danny Elfman. He's old.

3 posts in one day?

The picture I drew today.
Not the best. I apologize.




Can you guess who it is?

The Demented Cartoon Movie

No matter how bad of a day I'm having, this always cheers me up. And somehow, it's still as funny now as it was when I was barely 13.






I <3 U Demented Cartoon Movie.
I <3 U most of all.

Is there any ease?
After the pain,
Truly a sunshine?
For every time it rains.

Todays date is uh...

I'm not even sure what day it is. Days are blending together. I haven't had sleep in 3 days, other than the odd catnap in chem class. My best friend is dying and I'm eating cookies and writing about my pointless life.

Today is day three of hell week. It's not all that hellish, except for the rediculous hours. And when I say rediculous, I mean completely redonculous. So that's why I'll be signing up next semester for the spring musical: Beauty and the Beast.

Everytime something is wrong or something just isn't good, he always told me this:

"Having faith is not easy. I know you have it. I don't mean religious faith; this faith is defined as an unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence. It's about being able to look at any situation and following your instinct. It's about knowing that everything will be all right in the end. Don't worry about what you can do or what you can't do. It's all gonna work out for the best."

Happy November Fourth!

Today is Sunday, November 4th, 2007.
Lots of stuff happened today, and it was AWESOME.

Tomorrow begins hell week. Hell week means that I will be at school from 7am to 11pm. Thats right. 16 hours of schooltime. 8 of it is for Assassins though. Don't see it. It's not that cool. I mean, see it if you want to, but I'm warning you that it sucks. So don't blame me when you want your money back.

Justen, I'm glad you're having a good day. Now call me and tell me why.

I've got stuff to do tonight, so I'll see you all later.

Love you guys.
-petey

Virginia Pictures!

yes, finally, the wait is over.

http://virginiapictures.blogspot.com/



lol.

homecoming pictures to follow.

My string theory.

Do you ever get that weird feeling that there's a string connected to one of your left ribs, just below the heart, and that certain things or people or smells seem to pull on that string a little bit? And it kinda hurts in that not-painful-but-still-slightly-uncomfortable way? Like when you like someone?

Do you know what I'm talking about or do I just have some weird heart condition?

Some Things that Pull on My String
a. When I think jacob is around and hes not
b. When random people hug me for no reason
c. When I see a person from my List
e. the way fat beaver smells (code name)
f. staying up all night talking to anyone
g. when i miss people


-------------------

Today whilst at rehersal for ASS ASS INS, Jackson told me he needed to pick a song that describes him. We came up with this list:

- Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado
- Toxic by Britney Spears
- Fergalicious by Fergie

I wonder what he'll pick.