Today my parents let me go to the crazy windy city of SAN FRANCISCO!!!! unatended. They went to Napa Valley to drink some wine and stuff for a while. They left at like 9ish, and so I took a shower and blowed my hair dry and then flatter-ironed it. Then it was nearly 9:30 so I ran down to the lobby to catch the bus to the airport.
See what goes on, is the hotel has a free bus to the airport, and the airport has a bart station, so I just take the bus to the bart to the sanfran right? Easy. Maybe...
Well, I only know how to get to the bart from the bus pick-up, but I got dropped off at the domestic flight place, and the bart is in the international terminal. But its no big deal, they have a train that goes through the airport from terminal to terminal, so I’ll just take that. Isn’t that nice??
If only I was that smart. But I got on the wrong little train thing. So I was riding it around and around for a half hour before I realized that I was going in circles. So I got on the RIGHT train and found the bart place, but then I had to buy a ticket. And uh... I didn’t know where I was going.
It’s five fifteen to ride from SFO to Montgomery station. And there’s like 8 million stops from there until there. And there was this old white lady who kind of made me laugh (a little) because she kept closing her eyes and putting her fingers in her ears when it was loud, but when I did it, she just glared at me.
So then I got there, and the station let out in this mall called the Westfield Mall, and they have circular staircases. They’re pretty cool, but not all that circular. Just somewhat circular.
Anyway, so then I started walking towards Union Square, cause thats where I said I’d be probably. But first I went to Virgin Megastore and looked at all the music and videos. But that was boring so I left.
Then I was at Union Square, but it was boring too so I started walking north. Then I saw this store called Kar’ikter and the name intrigued me, so I went in, and it was full of frenchies and brits! See, it was cause the store was full of frenchie and brit stuff like Asterix and Le Petit Prince. Actually, those are both french things. I don’t know why all the brits were in there.
But Asterix and Le Petit Prince can only hold my attention for so long, so I started walking north again to Chinatown, and theres this big long tunnel to get to it, and so I was walking it and someone had graffiti’d on the side “Stop the war now” and I meant to take a picture but I didn’t.
Then I was walking through Chinatown. It’s pretty chinese. There’s a billion foods I don’t know and there was these dead fish and some fish that everyone thought was dead
and oh my god i’m watching Fresh Prince and oprah was on it. wow the real oprah. crazy.
Sorry. Anyway, so there was this fish that when I walked by, it started flipping around and trying to swim and stuff, except it was going to die soon, but it didn’t know it yet, and people were laughing at it. Poor fish. Silly asians.
So then I got to the end of the chinatown, and I thought that I was fairly close to Fisherman’s Wharf. So guess what, I walked. It’s 12 blocks roughly. And uh, I didn’t know that until I looked at the map.
Then I went to Ghirardelli and got some chocolate to eat, but I didn’t eat it right then. Instead I got a ticket and went on the cable cars and met these old people and took their picture for them, and I wished that one day I’m old and riding cable cars and can get some kid to take a picture of me and my old man.
There were also some german people on there. So I took that all the way back to Market street. And uh.... then i was bored again, so I went back to Union Square, but that was boring too.
But I saw the Nike place, so I went in there, and it was crazy cool!!!!! It’s like 5 floors of crazy Nikeness. the walkways are cool. The people are cool. The lights are cool.
So I left.
Then I went back to chinatown and walked around some more. I bought some cool playing cards, and every card has a different picture of Mao on it. They’re awesome. I also bought this cool notebook thats made of real paper thats like hand made and leaves.
Then I wanted some Ghirardelli ice cream so I waited for the trolley, but it was taking its sweet time about getting there, so I went and bought some lemonade, but it tasted a little wierd. Too bad I was really thirsty, cause I drank it anyway.
Then the cable car was there, and there was this really adorable french guy. And I was going to say something french, but I couldn’t recall anything good to say, and they got off at the next stop, so I just sat down and waited untill....
The cable car stopped. And it didn’t start again. Only then did I realize that I had taken the wrong one all the way to the end. Silly me. So I got back on the train and sat there for twenty minutes before it started going the other direction.
Eventually I got going in the right direction and ended up at the Ghirardelli place again. Except this time I did it right and got a Very Berry Sundae. It was uber delicious, and I needed to start going home soon, so I thought I’d wait in line while eating it. But.... the line was really long and so I called my parents to see if they’d come pick me up, but they didn’t want to.
So I thought I was screwed, but then I remembered that the card I bought earlier allowed me to go on the other MUNI things. So I walked two blocks and got on a trolley thing and went to Market Street. But while I was on there, there was this guy who was so fit the perfect stereotype of gayness. And he was talking on the phone about some german thing he was going to that night.
But I was tired, so I got off and got on the BART to go back to the airport. It was relatively uneventful until I got to Daly City, and the train stopped, and everyone got off. So I sat there, waiting for it to start again, but this lady came up and told me that I needed to switch trains, so I got up but right as I got to the door, it closed.
And it stayed closed. I kicked the door a little. It stayed closed. I looked up and down the train and nobody was on it.
It stayed closed for 16 minutes.
Eventually I got back to the hotel of normal people.
There’s a bunch of people who you don’t usually find at an Embassy Suites in the lobby. People with tattoos and piercings galore.
But I didn’t care. It was happy hour and I wanted my damn shirley temple (like I get every day. Usually two of them.) So I was waiting in line, and there was a guy there with tattoos in line, and so I asked him what was going on. He said there was a tattoo convention nearby and a bunch of them were staying here. So he called his friend over and this guy was so crazy cool. (Cool in a way that was crazy, not that I’d ever do this cool yet crazy thing.)
This guy had a star on his forehead. Actually not on it, but in it. It was 3D. It was a star in his forehead, and it made a star shape bump on his head. It was so strange. Yet... so cool. I don’t know. He also had a naked lady tattoo on his arm, and had two bumps where the boobs were so the tattoo had 3D boobs.
My dad walked by him later, and said he was disgusted.
UHG
PARENTS.
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